Long and Winding Road

The last two days I've had both poutine and pizza. They were small pick-me-ups from a wracking cough that has persisted since early May and the return of my decade-long restless slumber. By going to bed even earlier than usual, I had almost 7 hours of sleep for a few days. But now the toss-and-turn and frequent awakenings have returned.

My mother has not been home because we received expected but still sad news. My grandma will likely not see Christmas or maybe not even her 97th birthday. The growth turned out to be cancerous and her advanced age made surgery or chemo non-viable options. I thought about my old landlord who flew back and died in India after being released from the hospital for a second hip surgery. A thoughtless decision by her brother according to his daughter, but a final wish according to his wife. I pondered about using my windfall to fly my grandma first-class back to the old country, for a last visit or permanently. But I didn't know how much time was left, and I was worried how we might handle pain management and other advanced hospice care outside of Canada.

The last two weeks have been a whirlwind of family discussion regarding issues like power of attorney and additional home care. The problem with the latter was that we had a shortage of candidates. Her daughters were still working despite all being retirement age (an indictment of capitalism) and her retired sons were useless. I have some sympathy as my grandma's generation would not feel comfortable being aided in their ablutions by males. But it was even in the little things. Instead of helping her to watch her favourite game shows, my uncle (whose family she has lived with and helped for decades) simply complained that she was too old to manage a smart TV. After I tuned in to The Price Is Right, he turned down the volume despite her being hard-of-hearing. Then he played a Youtube video through his laptop speaker instead of moving to another room. I was so irritated I almost said something regrettable.

Finally it was decided that my mother would take compassionate leave with the other aunts relieving her for 1-2 days per week. I have had a weekly phone call with my grandma even back in Toronto. With my relocation back to Ottawa, I see her in person about every 3 weeks when I'm not sick. So I have listened to numerous stories about her life and people (kin or friends) most of whom were dead. Living through colonization, two wars, and several emigrations, her memories were more eventful than my own. I wished that final trip could happen to bring her full-circle back to her beginnings.

Business Unusual

On Monday, I was back in Toronto. With the imminent buy-out of my company, they wanted people be present in-person at the office because there were several meetings planned for the next two days. I was still sick from last week but since it was company-paid, I opted to fly with Porter Air ($992 round trip) into the downtown airport. I also picked an old AirBnB spot because I didn't want to be stuck at a suburban hotel.

I haven't flown in more than decade and the view, although interesting, didn't grab me. Porter has become more of a budget airline compared to when I flew with them regularly in the aughts: bolted seats, scratches, dings, and stained carpeting. Although when my thought changed from "What lake is that outside?" to "Oh, we are here in Toronto already", the perks of speedy travel became apparent. In fact, with taxi rides in both cities ($60 average), it was downright pleasant. Still, I was sick enough to need a few hours to unwind in my rental. In the early evening, I walked down to Little India and revisited Karma Kitchen. The Nepalese thali option was better back in 2022. The crispy beef with honey sauce ($14.99) and rice ($2.99) was tasty but boy, it gave my jaw a workout. I was a bit afraid for my teeth.

Tuesday started with a bagel egg sandwich ($5.95) from La Prep after an interminable bus ride up Victoria Park Ave. The doldrum continued with a Zoom meeting from some C-level execs from our parent company. Then it was a long discussion with the CTO and a senior product manager who were in Toronto. I barely remembered what we all talked about. I did recall that HR ordered some of the worst pizza I've ever eaten. I was dog-tired from the commute back (even though I had smartened up and took the express bus) so I just dropped by a barBurrito (replacing Retro Burger) at Danforth and Coxwell. While there was a brief downpour outside, I ate a regular-sized spicy chicken wrap ($11.99).

Wednesday breakfast was also at La Prep for a bagel with cream cheese ($4.25) and a fruit cup ($5). For more than $5 with tax, I expected more than a thin swipe of cheese though. There were more meetings though it ended early as the new bosses were driving back to Cleveland. Some recent hires (2 years or less) and I went to a nearby Vietnamese place called La Sen. We all agreed that though lunch was good, it was too much food and a bit pricey. We all would be happy to pay two-third the menu price for a half portion. My own pork chop rice plate was $17.95 and I was surprised that they used actual broken-head rice instead of just typical jasmine. Still full from lunch, I later stopped off at a local market named Daily Goods for a small Greek Pasta salad ($4.44) and an Apple Crumble slice ($6.49) for an eat-in dinner in my room.

Thursday was supposed to be a non-remote working day with my entire team, our first ever because several members were hired during the pandemic. Unfortunately, we had trouble with the office wifi on Wednesday so my manager decided we'll have to work from "home" instead. While he was working in the hotel until his evening flight back to San Francisco, I decided to see if I could change my own night departure. Luckily, with 6+ daily trips to Ottawa by Porter, it was no problem switching to a 9:30 a.m. flight. Airport food is famously expensive but $11 for a bowl of oatmeal with fruit topping from Café Obispo was criminal. Thank goodness for corporate reimbursement.

Once in Ottawa, I finally checked the value of my stock options. I was alerted by some colleagues Wednesday night that the paystub with our buy-out was already in the system even though we won't be paid until next week. It was a tidy sum if nowhere near what our own execs were getting. My personal beef was that in addition to all the recent hardship, I had no salary increase for 7 years because we were a start-up. This pay-cheque would be the equivalent of a raise every year over that same time. So no retire-to-a-tropical-island money, but one less gripe/regret about my late-career choices. In some ways, this mental unburdening was just as valuable.

Wishful Thinking

I caught up on some remote work from 5:30 am since I was sick yesterday. I took a break at 8:30 and walked over to Uncle Sid's Deli for a sausage breakfast wrap ($7.75). Previous times, it was some random employee but on this Thursday, I recognized that it was the son-in-law. That first time, he told me about why they re-opened as a deli instead of continuing with the roti business. This time, I related that I had been a weekly customer at Vena's Roti for almost 20 years. The roll was warm and tasty but I struggled to finish it. I wondered whether it had extra filling or more likely (foreshadowing), I haven't been my regular self on the porcelain throne.

I was so full that I worked through lunch. Finally in the late afternoon, I went to visit my friend at her restaurant. Our brunch had been cancelled due my illness. I asked after her brother who came to Canada last year. The good news: he was working (even if only temporarily) as a carpenter nearby. The bad news: he abandoned his ESL studies and spent his hours hanging out with new friends watching sports. Goofing off might be acceptable but he doesn't help with rent or cleaning. Her own health was a bit touch and go either from recent accidents or something chronic from childhood polio. She might give up the business and move somewhere warmer with a slower pace of life.

After I paid for my veggie plate ($18.50) and bid her til next time, I thought about walking "the world in 10 blocks" back to my rental. But the heaviness in my belly from previous experience changed my mind. It was a good thing too that I took the 2-stop subway trip instead because I needed to visit the washroom right away. It wasn't quite as bad as other times, more of a case of a week's worth of stuff gone in a few minutes. Still, there were several flushes and in this older bathroom without a fan system, things lingered in the air. Luckily, the host was out until the evening.

Which is why despite how well-furnished and pleasant this apartment was, I won't rent this on AirBnB again because I need my own private bathroom. But in general, I'm surprised that this nondescript house at Lansdowne have 9 apartment units. If most of them were as nice and well-maintained as this one, the landlord was actually doing their job.

Most of the other units weren't likely to be AirBnB rentals since I only saw 1 lockbox at the entrance. I wondered if the owner knew that my host was renting out a room. She was a retiree from Winnipeg who recently moved to Toronto to be near her daughter. She professed not loving the Big Smoke yet but, in my opinion, treating her scoliosis with aquafit in the saltwater pool at the Miles Nadal and frequent chiropractic sessions on Richmond were big city perks. If she followed through on her Spring resolution to start biking on Bloor St (at least until Doug Ford tears up the bike lanes), I think she'll be a convert.

Though my digestive problem was mild compared to similar times in the past, I knew that I wasn't going to the concert tonight. It was already a long-shot when I purchased the $20 ticket a few weeks back. I couldn't stay out late because I was heading back to Ottawa early next morning. But I had been looking into short-term sublets and was hoping to close a deal so this trip would become a "permanent" stay by Friday. Then a late show wouldn't matter. Perhaps describing myself as a "middle-aged early riser" translated to "cranky roommate" because I got no replies.

The show certainly sounded interesting. Carlyn Bezic is simply sensational as Jane Inc. And seeing for the first time Charise Aragoza fronting her own band Mother Tongues promised a "full circle" moment. Our paths briefly crossed on College St almost 15 years ago. Being my usual early self, I was chatting with Maylee Todd and her crew including Aragoza since they recognized me from various shows. Some behind-the-scene brouhaha with the promoter or venue caused Maylee Todd to pull out at the last-minute and I helped her pack up her gear. Todd invited me to a roof-top party instead but as an introvert who was decades older than likely everyone else, I politely backed out.

Remembrances of Things Past

My throat became increasingly sore during Tuesday's concert. I spent the night in a restless slumber with my esophagus feeling like sandpaper. I woke up on Wednesday with a fever and cough. I had leftovers from Laziza for breakfast but I had to venture out for lunch.

Luckily, it was a sunny day with 22 degrees weather. Although in my weakened state, it still felt a tad cold. I've passed by Tavora many times over the decades but never went inside. Given the industrial neighbourhood, I've always thought it was a wholesaler. But from my bedroom window,  I could see that it had normal shelves. Once I stepped inside, I immediately knew it was Portuguese-ran by the codfish ball near the entrance. I used to buy them from now-defunct Nova Era. Sure enough, they were well-stocked with products from Portugal and Brazil. Feeling nostalgic, I bought a small jar of Maçarico olives ($3.79).

The industrial environment now hosted some trendier stores like Remya Juicery and Propeller Coffee. But what's most interesting were the new construction on Wade and the empty field at Paton and Lansdowne. These weren't condos but a research lab and a long-term-care facility with affordable housing for seniors. I then made my way to Roll and Bowl for a veggie Bibimbap ($13.95). I took back what I wrote the last time. These were the same owners who knew me as a regular. I explained that with a 97-year-old grandma, I was living in Ottawa now. I had to disabuse them of the notion that Ottawa was a clean city.

I spent the afternoon in a daze from both the illness and the large lunch. Since I didn't feel like a full dinner, I went to Dosa Mahal for 2 samosas ($2.99) and Caribbean Queen of Patties for a beef patty ($4.50). Remembering what happened to Mr. Siddiqi, I asked her when she will retired. She said soon then smiled and asked me if I want to take over the business. I told her it will be the end of an era as I have been going here for decades. She replied "Blessings" and I wished her all the best. Places like Mahal and Patties reminded me when $10 could get you good eats (ice-cream crepe, pho, wraps) with change. Now that watermark seems to be $20, same as in town.

Beasts From The East

I had a concert Tuesday night so I headed back to my rental from Christie Pits. On the way, I stopped off at Long and Mcquade for some Alpine ear plugs ($26.99) and Laziza for a veggie plate ($14.99). A new hire was light on my portion until he was set straight by a coworker. Since there was a 2-hour limit on transit rides and I would need to go to Massey Hall later anyway, so I hopped on the subway for a quick 2-stop skip back to Lansdowne.

Ginger Root is the Citypop project of Cameron Lew. As an opener, they only had 40 minutes but this allowed them to packed a lot of material into their tight set. As Cameron said, Ginger Root wasn't only an "audio-visual feast" (they had a roving cameraman shooting live on 80s equipment), it had a "cinematic universe". This was the cheeky cue to splice some scenes from their music videos, all imagined as drama at the fictional Juban TV, into the show. They played upbeat, funky music that showed a wide range of influences. There was a touching moment when Cameron admitted that the college essay he wrote 7 years ago on his way back from an early gig was about Psychopomp, the headliner's debut album. There might have been more fans on the 2nd night compared to the 1st, and some of them even knew about the tap water kerfuffle, but Ginger Root definitely won new fans with their high energy songs.

Japanese Breakfast (Michelle Zauner) has come a long way from playing solo at The Horseshoe with Toronto being the city to host her first big show. Though she might not have sold out both nights, it was still close to 80% full. Many probably knew her recently from the Grammy-nominated Jubilee and her best-selling memoir Crying in H-Mart. With success came a giant backdrop, large props including stylized waves and an oyster shell, and dramatic lighting from their own set-up as well as the venue's. The music also spanned several genres: the most recent album leaned heavily on plaintive ballads, but the earlier synth-pop and indie rock sound also made appearances. Her new fans leaned younger than millennials as few recognized her cover of Donna Lewis' I Love You Always Forever. Success also brought more generic stage banter. Gone were stories about her smaller Toronto gigs including the infamous and not fondly remembered 3-day residency at The Silver Dollar.

I should mention that because these bands were fronted by Asian leads, I shelled out some fairly big bucks for the whole evening: ticket ($99 + $30 fees), a Breakfast tee ($55 + tax) and a Root tee and vinyl ($80 + tax). But this will be my high watermark as my concert limit will be $50 even though tickets now typically cost $20+ even for local indie bands.

Tooth Fairy Tale

I guess this week is full of shockers. I woke up quite early to do some office work and then headed to a morning appointment with my dentist. It seems my diligent thrice-daily oral care routine (going on decades) only has a minor positive impact. The difference between a 3-month and a 6-month check-up was inflamed gums and more extensive cleaning. But the shocker was that after my full mouth X-ray, I was told that I had 40% bone loss. My previous dentists mentioned gum recession from overbrushing (about an 8-month period in the 2000s), genetics (thin gums), and teeth-grinding (bruxism). I even had gum surgery but no one mentioned other problems. Moreover, past prevention strategies were either suggested quite late (wearing a mouth guard) or initiated by me (going first to a 4-month then 3-month cleaning schedule). Once again, I felt that dentistry is filled with either incompetence (undiagnosed causes) or greed ("we won't offer solutions unless we think you can pay"). In any case, the grim prediction was probably another 20% loss in the next 10 years.

I didn't have a chance to absorb the news because I was back at my rental for online meetings that lasted past lunchtime. I rushed over to 9 mile for some tender and delicious jerk chicken ($13.99). There was no slaw with my order; 2 cucumber slices as the veggie side was almost insulting. I then had a private chat with another long-timer from work. It turns out management did talk to the whole company about the buy-out on Monday: seems like everyone were getting their options. I'm glad for most people except the "senior" Negative Ned who is leaving at the end of May after barely a year with us. That's a nice bonus for doing little except complaining, sabotaging meetings, and implying that everyone else were subpar.

Finally, the day was done. I enjoyed my stroll in the sunshine along a vibrant Bloor St and then spent time sitting at Christie Pits Park. Though it was a pleasant afternoon, my mind kept returning to my dental predicament and prognosis. I soon realized that, for the 20-somethings there, I had become the forlorn elderly figure staring vacantly at nothing from my own younger days. Honestly though, they probably didn't even noticed.

Giddy On The Ninth

Monday morning, my trip to Toronto started inauspiciously when I had to call a taxi. Despite being only a 10-minute drive to the station, it became clear at the bus stop that I would not make the 8:50 departure time using transit even though I had more than 1 hour to spare. This only reinforced my feelings from Sunday that Ottawa transit lost potential customers instead of winning new commuters with their free rides all week-end promotion. Unfortunately, the interminably slow and late buses left many people frustrated.

My mood improved slightly at the rest stop in Kingston. My server at Fat Bastard told me that my small veggie burrito ($9.79) was only 5 bucks for Cinco de Mayo. Then halfway to Toronto, I received a shocking email from my CEO. After 10 years, our options were worth something due to an acquisition from a unicorn start-up. It wouldn't cover my decade-long salary gap (compared to market rate) as we've always been a struggling company. But it might make for some nice pocket change. Nevertheless, my heart was racing fast enough that I had to stop working to do some meditation and breathwork.

My usual rental in the old neighbourhood wasn't available so I found a new replacement. First positive, it was next to the subway stop instead of being closer to College St. Second positive, the entire apartment including my bedroom was large and comfortable. But although I approve (in theory) that this was an actual "spare bedroom" set-up (the original AirBnB raison d'être), I do feel more constrained with another person around cooking, watching TV, and using the bathroom.

The 6 condos at Bloor and Dufferin were continuing apace. In the distance, the one at Dovercourt was also rising up to block the sky. It's likely they'll all be completed by year's end. Surprisingly, it looks like Bloor Collegiate has been rebuilt but maybe with smaller dimensions. Students could probably return in the Fall. After a quick trip to the grocery store (towels are available but not toiletries), I stopped off at the new/2nd location of Latin World for dinner.

The last time I stepped inside this spot was 15 years ago for Dosa Mahal before the large fire. With statues of the Virgin Mary, an Aztec god playing an electric guitar, a Mexican mermaid, and other decorations, this place reminded me of the East-end joint El Sol. First negative, the tacos were $5.50 (asada), $5.50 (pastor) and $4.90 (home-made chorizo); I remember when it was 4 for $10. To be fair, these were larger and double-shelled. Second negative, the asada (sliced steak) was bland while the pastor (marinated pork) was dry and salty. For the latter, go to El Pastorcito just a few blocks away for a superior version. But there were a few positives: crunchy taco chips were still complementary and the chorizo was actually quite good. They do offer other toppings but I would stick with the "choritaco". Final positive, for the Cinco celebration, they gave me a small bottle of hot sauce complete with glued-on sombrero and rebozo.

Once In A Lifetime

Sunday afternoon had pleasant Spring weather for the biggest family get-together in a while. I haven't been in this aunt's backyard since the height of physical distancing in 2020. Everyone was there including a cousin, recently located to Vancouver, who was coincidentally back in town; and the uncle, absent from these gatherings the last few years, whose sponsorship of his siblings and their families gave us all better lives. There were 2 no shows: an aunt whose level of pet ownership verges on alarming; and my grandma who stayed home due to aches and dizziness. I suspect that these pandemic years of house-bound isolation has given her a touch of agoraphobia. Though some of us made the 2-minute drive to visit her after dinner, her absence meant that the most complete family photo we ever took spanned only 3 generations and not 4.

First up were the family news. The peripatetic cousin left their high-paying Amazon job to found a start-up and also a pottery side-business. He was coding late into the night. Another cousin, perhaps startled by a brush with serious illness, came out to their parents. They seemed more comfortable adding queer-coded accessories to their wardrobe now. I was surprised that beneath the quiet exterior, they knew all the after-hour clubs and rave venues in Toronto and Montreal. As the years passed, I think some of my female cousins married duds. Stay single like me if you want to drift through life (also like me). But you have to help out with finances and domestic labour if you have kids. Finally, my oldest niece was accepted into Canterbury, an arts-focus high school. But this meant that my brother and his wife, who found the good life in the exurbs, will have to manage the hour-long commute.

The guest-of-honour was a cousin from the old country; her mother was the only one who stayed behind. Some 24 years ago, I met her as a child. Now she was a grown woman of 30 with an American beau in tow. Sunday was likely her one and only chance to see the distant family members. It was too bad then that my aunts and uncles monopolized her time. She exchanged a few words with us cousins and spent no time with the 6 nieces and nephews. The 97-year-old matriarch wasn't there but they had met when she flew in on Saturday.

Her paramour left no impression on me since he hardly spoke to anyone. He was voluble when it came to his postdoc research but was otherwise mum: no pleasantries or light conversation. This seemed hard ground to build on considering she would be moving halfway around the world, leaving behind family, friends, career, and native language. Up ahead was the alien landscape of car-centric California suburbs, a partner with a mere toe-hold in the precarious world of academia, and uncertain job prospects for herself. But as someone who has been unattached their entire life, I'm wholly unqualified to give romantic advice. Still, I remember my grandma's words about her courtship with my grandpa: "You can't choose who you love, but you can choose who you don't."

19/05/2025: While I headed to Toronto, my cousin spent another day in Ottawa with a relative. It turned out she also had similar misgivings. But whatever the case, they had signed the papers in California in lieu of an elaborate wedding. Now it was time to let the slow wheels of American immigration turn.

Spring Cleaning

It has been dreary Spring with a few sunny days amidst long stretches of overcast weather and a snowstorm or two. The melting snow does Ottawa no favours as piles of litter and garbage are revealed on my walks. Since my return in 2021, I'm still shocked at how much dirtier this city is compared to Toronto.

I normally head back to the Big Smoke every 3 months for a break and to see my dentist. Poor genetics means I have to be more careful of my oral health. Unfortunately, I missed my last trip because I caught something over the holidays. I have booked my 6th month checkup for early May. Here's hoping that it merely means a longer and less pleasant cleaning than usual and not some serious problem that has developed.

There aren't any regular eats except for a slice of pizza on my weekly grocery run. I found out from the current proprietor that the store has been here since 1982. The name came from its first location on Ogilvie road (now housing Bobbie's Pizza). The original owner had to relocate the business after a divorce.

The only other time I ate out was after I voted in the Ontario election,  unsurprisingly won by blow-hard nepo baby Doug Ford, at Gloucester High. There weren't too many choices at the strip mall near the school so I settled on Thai Express. My vegetarian curry combo was expensive ($20+) for a "fast food" joint. There was almost no curry flavour but the use of an (unexpected) blazing-hot wok set-up meant that there was a welcomed wok hei taste to the veggies (baby corn, bok choy, broccoli, and so on). But overall, this lunch only proved once again that non-Thai workers can't cook Thai dishes.

With the return of slightly better weather, the poutine truck has re-opened. During my visit last week, I ended up eating my lunch inside a nearby bus shelter to avoid torrential rain. On Friday, I dropped by my final "regular eats" for the first time since last summer. The Hill Bakehouse carries an eclectic mix of lunch items including sandwiches, finger food (samosas, patties, etc.), and Chinese stir-fry. My $5 chicken fried rice portion wasn't as full since 2 other diners had also ordered the same dish. Beacon Hill Mall doesn't have the foot traffic to warrant re-stocking your offerings. When it's gone it's gone.

Speaking of which, this mall is now even more forlorn than before with the departure of the local bank branch. With almost all empty storefront,  I wonder why they don't simply sell to to real-estate developers. The corporate owners can't be making much rent from this sunk-cost property.

I Bring You (Chick) Peas

I have been ensconced at home since the New Year party. Remote work means I don't go out much. But I also caught something at the family gathering that has laid me up with a persistent cough. Whether it is a weakened immune system from Covid (I've likely caught it several times despite my precautions) or something chronic (any "cold" over the last 2 decades has always dragged on for weeks), I lacked the energy to brave the winter weather.

But on Saturday, I went downtown to the Byward Market. I was meeting a friend for lunch at Peace Garden Vegetarian. I guess this was the year to visit Japan because they also just came back from a family trip over there. They made the same observations: the cleanliness, the politeness (compared to TSA agents when they transited through the US), the food quality, and so on. I find it interesting when I talk to middle-class friends and family as there is often a bourgeois ignorance. In this case, they marvelled that there were no homeless people in Japan.

The vibe at Peace Garden was similar to Govinda's (affiliated with ISKCON) back in my University days. That is, the people working there was about more than just making soup and rice. On the other hand, the sticker shock here meant that this wasn't gentrified Hare Krishna. The menu was small but ran the gamut of vegan offerings. With the bulk of the dishes beingIndian, I chose the Thali platter ($22.99*).

It was a good-sized portion with a delicious daal curry and chana masala. The potato samosas were also tasty. The papadam was slightly soft and the salad was good but, not for the first time, seemed out of place. The rice was poor though: clumpy Jasmine rice instead of fragrant basmati.

I put an asterisk beside the price because the final tally came to $25.75. Without a receipt, I had no idea if they forgot that the government gave us a tax holiday until February 15th or the menu prices were outdated. It was already a tad on the expensive side but my bugbear is opaqueness in restaurant bills. I gave a generous tip but as I left, I realized that I did that when I don't intend to ever return. A small (or no) tip means I will be visiting for years. It's always interesting when you stop to examine unconscious quirks and behaviour.

Happy Mute Year

Now that members of my extended families have in-laws, vacation, and other Holiday plans, we don't have the large Christmas gathering anymore. It has shifted to a New Year's Day lunch in recent years. On Wednesday, the family met at my sibling's home for a feast of spring rolls, noodles, char siu, samosas, charcuterie, and a diverse collection of food.

There was plenty of leftovers because sadly, almost 10 people were absent due to illness: old-age infirmities, chronic conditions, and seasonal infections. Some of the attendees were also not at full strength. One of my cousin, who was only in their late 20s, spent the last year on chemo and surgery. The young children were ignorant of these undercurrents and happily played with old and new toys. My nieces have entered into their adolescence and hints of teenage sullenness are surfacing (at least toward the adults). It was a bit sad that despite all living in the same metropolitan area, a rarity in North America, the 2nd cousins did not see more of each other. 

My sibling told me about his plans for early retirement. Their timeline was even shorter than mine with a clear idea about next steps: returning to school and learning hands-on skills like carpentry. I wasn't sure about my own goals but was leaning toward part-time work instead of full retirement. My older relatives would likely be aghast that our generation wasn't keen on working for 40 years.